Don't Believe Everything You Research On The Net

 Thankfully, I turn sixty-six on October the 5th.

Otherwise I would be worried.

Five years ago on October 22, 2018 at eleven fifteen in the morning I was diagnosed with Stage IV Squamous Cell Carcinoma and Pharyngeal Cancer.

At that time they told me that I was beyond the point of conventional treatments and that the best option was to allow them to remove my tongue, larynx and part of my esophagus. Then they would use a muscle from my forearm to construct a tongue.

I immediately refused.

There is no way that I would allow my family and loved ones to have a vision of me as a Frankenstein as their last memory.

Their last memory of me will be me smiling and telling them how much I appreciated sharing life with them.

The doctors told me that I would be lucky if I survived till the end of January 2019. Eight to ten weeks.

I am not one to give in to defeat.

I participated in a radical radiation therapy whereas I received eighty, yes 80, rounds of Harwins Protocol radiation treatments in twenty sessions. Two double sessions six hours apart over twenty days. Quite more extreme than regular radiation therapy.

It succeeded in destroying the large tumor at the base of my tongue. Leaving in it’s wake a very large hole.

My tongue is now barely attached to my esophagus. A thin layer of muscle on either side is all that secures it.

The radiation succeeded in destroying the six smaller tumors in my head and neck regions.

The cancer has destroyed much of my throat.

My hyoid bone is detached on one side.

My esophagus and bronchial airway are severely scarred and damaged making it necessary for me to breathe through a permanent trachea airway.

I lost my gallbladder, all my lymph nodes, a severe abscess caused me to lose part of my large bowel, one kidney has failed, it was necessary to dissect a third of my liver and then, the “coupe de gras”, my spleen exploded and I bled out, died, was resuscitated and back on life support for the eleventh time.

I’m still standing.

I’m still smiling.

I still have cancer.

I still have no available treatment.

I have no fear of death. Been there eleven times documented.

I have no reason whatsoever to NOT smile.

In my sixty-six years I have experienced more than most could ever imagine.

I have experienced abandonment.

As I have care.

I have taken life.

I have given life.

I have witnessed unimaginable horror.

I have witnessed unimaginable joy.

My life had many, too many, years of sadness, tragedy and addiction.

All products of choices I willingly made.

I have moved past my shames and embarrassments.

In these, my final years, I have matured to the point that I now only speak what I believe is truth. I will not lie for any reason or person.

I refuse to allow conflict or drama in my life. Nothing good can come from senseless banter.

I smile as much as possible.

Even when I cannot smile, I smile still.

I cry alone into the darkness of the night.

I keep my sorrows and my despair between my Creators and my soul.

To quote the song ‘Lost Boy’ by Greg Holden ….

“I will not be commanded. I will not be controlled. I will not let my future go on without the help of my soul.”

I have a calling I have yet to fulfill. My time is not yet.

In closing let me say that you should never self diagnose on the internet. It is fine to research your affliction, but do not draw your own conclusions without discussing your findings with your health care providers.

For example…

Most reading the following search results would panick. Not realizing that this is a merely an average percentage from thousands of cases.

Do not take everything you research as gospel truth. Talk to your doctors.