Opinions and Thoughts of LightHouse Dann Verner - Just as he is!

  Our days come with many varieties of emotion. Emotions hurt when paired with the reality of the moment. Moments like today, this very evening, now …… In four days it will be six years since my son, my ‘Bubba’, ‘Jordan’ to most others, lost his battle with mental illness and drug addiction and   suicide stole his life. That same day suicide stole a part of my life. I am not sure if it would be proper to call such a day as an  ‘anniversary’. ‘ Anniversary ‘ is a term that is used to memorialize a ‘ special’  occassion. A pleasant memory. Such as  ‘Marriages, a child’s birth, graduation or personal birthday’ . Today does not fit into any of those scenarios. “What do you call a day that reminds you of the moment the universe reached out, grabbed your testicles and viscously twisted them until you vomited a part of your soul?” I wish I knew. I wish there was a word to describe how I feel today. For now all I can say is that sorrow is here today, perhaps it will lea...

On Christmas Morning, 2019 my son “Delaney Jordan McLean Verner” lost his lifelong battle with mental health issues and addictions. He usually went by his middle name, “Jordan”. To family he was “Bubba” Hence   me titling his biography, “ Black Diamond: Bubba’s Story” The reasons for their predicament do not matter. WHAT HAPPENED CERTAINLY DOES Bubba was homeless, stranded in a small town in Southern Alberta called “Black Diamond”. A few days before Christmas, a  couple of  “ Good Samaritans” took him and his common law   wife   in. A couple with two kids, all of which had good and kind hearts. In the  early morning hours of  Christmas  morning Bubba went into their laundry room and hung himself. The couple’s two children discovered him. Christmas   will never be be the same for those children, nor for us. Telling his story was necessary for two reasons. The first was to alleviate my pain and lessen my sorrow. Truth be told, it failed in that...

  Christmas Joy Does Not Reside In My Heart Christmas is a season of joy and family togetherness for most families. Not so, for my family. Christmas   at LightHouse Dann’s is marred with a traumatic childhood, suicides and murder. I was 22 years old when I finally got to meet my biological mother, Mary. The Mother/Child instinctual bond grew strong and fast. Sadly, it would not last. We finally met in the autumn of 1979. I was fresh out of Dorchester Federal Prison. At the time , my Mom, Mary Verner, had recently evicted her lowlife, leeching, alcoholic boyfriend, Robert George Stephenson from, not only her home, but also from her life. Her new, sober, life. Long story short, I shared twenty months of love with her. Mom was the happiest woman in the world as she attended my marriage to my first wife, Michele, on May 16th, 1981. That Wedding went very well. Your ‘ atypical downhome ‘ family event with the only sadness being we only had one day to celebrate. She was far more ecs...

  Delaney “ Jordan ” McLean Verner September 11, 1990 – December 25, 2019 I miss you Jordan. Lords know I miss you. I cannot believe it will be seven years on Christmas morning since suicide stole you from  us. I have to cry these tears out. Knowing they will flow again tomorrow. And the next tomorrow. And all the tomorrows to follow. Forevermore . The tears of sadness. There is no other pain like this. I will “ Flip the script ” and cry tears of happiness and love. I will forever remember wejll every second of every good memory. (They were plenty.) I carry a guilt that is complicated to explain. Often I ponder if you would still be in our lives had I no penance to serve? Doing so in the most serious of ways. Penance for the wrongs I commited in my days gone by? Am I that great of a sinner in the eyes of “Them” that they would punish a family member so as to dishearten me? To the best of my knowledge my time is not yet. I must follow my calling or possibly have my calling foll...