The Demon's Rest

 https://open.spotify.com/episode/4whkUiPxgsfyp4ZGQ6i3NF?si=32110ba3bc034aa2

I do not understand how people can go through life angry or depressed.

There was a time I did. Seems like a lifetime ago.

Never again depression will hold onto me, nor drag my heart into misery.

Depression pulled me into the void with her cold steely tentacles.

The darkness squeezed tightly around my heart, my soul and my testicles.

Decades of accumulated tragedy and loss my body’s dark cloak. The monochrome opposite of Joseph’s Technicolor Dreamcoat.

Once trapped within the Darkness of despair your life loses it’s direction.

There lay no lifes destination. Your portrait of the future a dismal swirling abyss. There are no safe ports in the storms of depression.

Your heart saddened by emptiness and self-loathing. Your emotions a turmoil of doubt.

Depression is much like cancer. They often walk hand in hand. Feeding off each other’s Darkness and solitary life.

The longer it is left untreated the more it sours. It’s bitterness will gnaw at your insides until physically and emotionally you numb.

Follow that comes hopelessness. The lack of desire to bother going on.

A couch is now your closest friend.

False reality daytime television becomes your therapist.

In your mind your life is an episode of “The Twilight Zone.”

Negative emotions can sentence you to a life of misery, or many periods of tragedy.

Is that anyway for anyone to live? Is this a life you would choose?

Believe me when I say that no one should have to experience the agonies of life’s defeats.

I have been through the worse of the worst. To the point where I took my own life. I left the building. I took the cowards ride to the other side.

November 2002 after three years of medical turmoil and a severe medical Fentanyl addiction, combined with numerous personal upheavals, I purposely ate every pill I had and died.

Life had lost it’s value.

What a surprise to me when days later I awoke to the harmonious symphony of the various life support apparatus.

Upon the realization that the sons of bitches and their modern medical technology brought my defeated ass back to life.

“Damn you Noxalone!”

Back to ride my trail of Darkness yet more.

You have some extremely interesting and livid thoughts flash through your mind as you lay there paralyzed, your lungs being inflated and deflated by a machine.

At first I regretted the revival. I was not a Sunday church. The sermons of my life were to have ceased when I lay deceased.

Whether, it was the nightmares or the day ‘mares‘ made no difference. Unable to say that you are alive and well there you lay and lay and lay.

Doubts rage through your mind like shooting stars. You wonder if your suicide was a success and this is your Purgatory, perhaps your Hell. For Heaven it is not.

It changed me. It humbled me. Then it humbled me some more.

I am now a thrice humbled man.

I did not regret dying.

I regret that I resorted to suicide. Especially when my best friend and my oldest brother had recently committed suicide.

At the time I felt it necessary that my life was best cancelled.

In my depressive delusion I believed life to be void and meaningless.

Reflecting back I am satisfied with the outcome handed to me.

Although severe, it was a much needed lesson in life. A crossroads. The greatest and most important decision I was ever to make.

At that exact moment I chose to forever be, as pleased and joyful as life can be.

I vowed that never again would I allow the Darkness to embrace me.

To repel all drama, arguments, lies and deceits. Step away from all negativity that may I meet.

A treasure rich than all to be. A life, my life that day gifted to me.

A reason to smile, happier be. My death, a life, it gifted me.

Yesteryear no thoughts of what lay in store for me. I had no time set aside for the inner me.

Life’s new lease born a happier me. I searched out that which amused thee.

I bath myself in life’s Golden Light. Knowing now all life’s worth fight.

The voices of life loudly exclaim, lay no one with blame.

A smile changes everything. Two smiles change anything.

Life is based upon choices. Fueled by happiness rejoices.

I live now only in positivity. There lay no room for negativity

My life’s at its best, believe you me. If only through my eyes could you see.

I made a solemn vow to me, I will never be anything except happy.

I live this new life, truth be told, now full of riches greater than gold.

Many people think I am a man like no other. Unorthodox and unpredictable in many a way.

“How does he find humour and jokes in all things?”, often they state.

“For every shaft of Darkness dark there shines a pillar of Light’s Light.”, the boom of my voice billows back.

To live a life with pride and compassion you must teach yourself to find the beauty in all about you.

You have free choice and that choice is yours alone. Choose not to be a depressed cliche clone.

Choose happiness for your home.

I no longer understand how people can go through life angry and depressed.

There was a time I did. Seems like a lifetime ago now.

Though the battle of Light vs Dark will always be.

I put that Demon to rest, don’t you see?