Nite Rite

 

A cucumber can sit for weeks in the vegetable section of a store and still be fresh.

The same cucumber can’t last than two days in my home refrigerator.

After the second day the core of the cucumber becomes an ugly mess of gelatine like mucus.

Yet the outer skin remains crisp.

Stiff on the outside but butter soft at the core.

What in the name of Roger Rabbit is up with that?

Tell me. Tell me do.

I ask because I suffered a “mishap” involving said problem.

Being too lazy to slice the cuke I unwittingly took a huge bite from it.

A mushy softness similar to the sponged vagina of a hundred year old whore met my wanton tastebuds.

I have no stomach for gelatinous substances.

Suffice to say that I shall never consume another cucumber in my lifetime.

At one point in my life I was fond of ice cool English cucumbers.

The first slices of the elongated delight refreshed my tastebuds and rejuvenate the smelling capabilities of my nostrils.

Like a breathe of cold mountain air.

I no longer have any desire to devour cucumbers.

Nor have I ever had the urge to consume the cucumber’s evil twin.

The godawful “zucchini“.

Gag reflex is now in the defensive mode.

I lay no blame on the shelves of my fridge.

It has served it purpose as the host for the transient cucumber dwellers.

So what causes a cucumber to rot from the core out?

Was there a macabre vegetable orgy within the dark shelter of my crisper drawer?

Does my English cucumber have an Italian STI?

Should I move my shallots into the adjacent drawer to the safety of my garlic and baby carrots?

With a covert warrior’s intensity and eyes wide open I shall monitor the frolicking antics between my semi erect phallic cucumber and the frilly leaves of the ungodly kale.

Until then, Campers ……..

Grab a bucket cause you never know when you might want to bring something up or re-chew a problem.