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“Black Diamond”: Bubba’s Story

 

“Black Diamond”: Bubba’s Story

https://a.co/d/8oxfyKb

(All proceeds of “Black Diamond: Bubba’s Story” goes to Suicide Awareness & Prevention)

As Christmas Day rapidly approaches all the pain of my son, Jordan”s Christmas Morning, 2019, suicide increase tenfold.

All the “What ifs” or the “If only I hads” become louder and more frequent in my mind.

My awareness of their presence far greater than that of the daily ones constantly present in the windmills of my mind.

Their wind carries the pain, the sorrow, the shame and the guilt in a constant loop of torment round and round in the background of my reality.

Spinning my emotions into a chaotic Waltz of hurt.

The saying, “Time heals all wounds.” is far from true.

The wounds of losing your child, at no matter what age, cannot be healed.

The one thing that prevented me from having a complete psychological breakdown was also the most difficult thing I have ever done in my 68 years

“Immortalizing him by his writing his biography.“

Every keystroke came with a thousand tears.

It was an eight month journey into Jordan’s tragic life. And also that of our family members and my very souls.

I can honestly say that I held nothing back.

If being “Too honest” is a real thing then I most definitely was in telling the complete truth of our dysfunctional family.

Time teaches us how to become numb “Incognito“.

I have mastered the art of hiding my pain from most people.

Why burden them with my Darkness?

Although, I cannot conceal it during this once festive time of year.

Because I have no reason to.

After all, it’s my pain.

As long as the pain exists Jordan will never be forgotten.

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