Two Shadows

 

One of my favorite podcast/blogs is mattlr.com – I have mad respect for sites that strive to provoke thought, emotion and curiosity.

Matt rates top position in all three categories.

That said ….

Comments Matt made on the blog I posted yesterday, ” When Suicide Steals Your Child On Christmas Day, There Is Nothing To Say ” inspired me to respond with the following extension of thoughts on the matter.

Self guilt is definitely lessened by subliminal testimonials done with little comfort.

I say “with little comfort” for the subliminally aspect renders one incapable of understanding where that comfort was born.

Perhaps born from a need to heal.

Perhaps born from the shame of failing your child.

Perhaps born from that failing.

Perhaps born from the shame of failing yourself.

Perhaps born from the realization of survivor’s guilt.

I walk through each day with two shadows…..

The first …..

Masks my inner self from the daily robotic restraints created by society’s need to know the tragedies of others.

Their vampiric desire to feast off the emotions of others.

A false reflection of the person within.

The second …..

The reflection I choose to reveal to those within the inner circle of confidantes I almost trust with my emotions.

The predominant shadow of falsehoods projected to protect the inner sanctums of inner self.

Am I brave for revealing my tragedy?

Am I victimized by eternal survivor’s guilt?

I trust not my interpretation, for at the end of day who do we trust when we are consumed with self mistrust?

Our mistrust being a primal instinct.

The first of many protective measures our mind has developed to protect us, not only from our fellow man, but from ourselves.

I don’t trust myself once I begin the process of overthinking my thoughts.

I certainly do trust myself when decisions come instantaneously, off the cuff so-to-speak, without psychological torturous debates.

Do I trust my fellow mankind?

Do you?

Exactly!

So, “Good night Johnboy.“